oh how the times have changed.

crazy how quick life can change. for the good or for the bad. its been awhile since ive last blogged but i can honestly say, i love my life.

my family is the best family in the world. my mom is my best friend and i cant imagine life without her. she knows me so well. ive been told its like were twins. my sister is a little bit of a pain from time to time, but we are really close and i have such a great time. shes sassy, spunky, and one of a kind. she says things you wouldnt imagine someone her age saying. my stepdad is mister fix it in my life. whenever something goes wrong, he can fix it. hes getting better with the whole, "girl issue" kind of things and is learning to understand girls a whole lot better. i have so much respect for him and so much love for them and the rest of my family.

my boyfriend is so amazing. we have been together for the last 4 months. and let me tell you, they have been so great. he makes me smile on a daily basis and i can just be myself with him. its like we were made for each other. just like every one else we sometimes argue but it only makes us stronger. this is the first relationship that has ever had a strong base and we took time before we started dating. this is the first relationship that i see going anywhere and having a future. i cant picture life without him. hes my rock.

my best friend is my other half basically. our friendship has been a roller coaster ride. from enemies, to frienemies, to friends, to best friends. this girl has been by my side through thick and thin. she has seen me and my worst and has been my shoulder to cry on. in return, i have been there for her. our friendship is about to be put through another tough time but i know we will make it through it because we have a strong unforgettable bond. i love her and will make sure that she doesnt leave my life for a dumb reason. lately i have pushed myself away from her out of fear, but i need to stop because i cant always run away from my fears. distance is only a number, but with the technology that is out there now, there is no reason to let it get in the way.
other than them, things in my life are amazing! i finally bought a new car :) its the one that ive wanted for months and one finally became available in my price range! im building credit with it and im excited about that. school is going great. i love my classes this year and for some reason, now that im out of high school and basically doing my own thing, i love school! i hate the drive, traffic, and parking lot, but other than that, school makes me happy. work is awesome. i got my second raise of the year and i couldnt be more happy with where i work. i know for a fact that the career im choosing, will not be one that i regret. it makes me happy. work is work, some days i may feel like UGH why do i have to go? but then i think about how lucky i am to have the job that i do and i couldnt be more grateful. my life is simple. may seem boring to others, that all i do is school, work, hang out with my family, spend time with my boyfriend, and hang out with my best friend, but you know what, i wouldnt have my life any other way then it is right now♥

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

ive really learned a lot about family in the last few years. when youre little you think your family is perfect. but in reality, there is no such thing as a perfect family. and as you get older you kind of create your own family.

ive learned you dont need to be blood to be a family. if you know me you know i have the worlds most complicated family. but i honestly dont think id have it any other way.

if youre blood related or not youre just as much family. my stepdads family has basically adopted me and made me one of the family. from the day they entered my life thats how its been. they are one of the best families and im so glad that theyre mine.

im a lucky one because i have 3 sets of grandparents. i had my dads. but sadly theyre both gone now and i miss them so much. then there are my moms. theyve been there since i was born and i do get to see them at every holiday which i am greatful for. and for the last 6 years ive had my stepdads parents. ive been worried and scared these last 2 days because my stepgrandpa had a heart attack. its scary thinking about the WHAT IF'S. those are the worst.

but like i said, as you get older you learn what really makes your family. you have those pathedic ones that you hate to admit are you family, you have the ones that you love the most. and then there are your friends and the family you create your self.

family is one of the most important things to me and i dont think that i would have it any other way.

theres always that time in your life when..

something happens and youre scared. more scared than you have ever been. something happened over the weekend that brought that back to me.

for starters, my mom is my best friend. shes the one who (not by choice) has been by my side since the day i was born. we have a bond that NO ONE can break. and its a relationship that i wouldnt change or give up. shes my hero and best friend and everything. i cant go a day without talking to her and i make sure that i ALWAYS say i love you to her. either when i leave or hang up the phone. even if im mad at her for something i always make sure to say it. why you make ask? you may think she knows it so why do you say it so often? reason: you never know whats going to happen in the blink of an eye.

two years ago i learned how true this statement really is.

it was thursday april 2nd at about 3 am. i was asleep in my room because it was a school night and that day we had to do group pictures for yearbook. then i hear my mom calling my name. how i heard her i dont know. i believe that god honestly knew something was wrong. at the moment i heard my name i was thinking to myself "lay here and act like i dont hear her and go back to sleep or find out what she wants" then i looked at the time. it was a weird hour. i figured she wanted me to check on the dogs or help with my little sister since my stepdad was on the road at this time. she told me to come here. her voice was to far for her to be in her room. so i walked half asleep to the kitchen. turned on the light and thats when this moment happened to me.

there she was. laying on the hardwood floor with a pile of blood coming out of her head. all of a sudden i was up. no longer tired and tears just started to pour out of my eyes. i asked her what happened and she told me she fell. i was so confused and in complete shock i didnt know what to do. ive never been so scared in my life. i knew i had to call 911 but it seems like time was standing still. i looked down at my mom unable to move with a pile of blood. i told her i was going to call 911 and she told me no. she wanted me to call my aunt so i could have someone there incase the firemen and paramedics wouldnt let me stay home alone with my two year old sister since i was only a sophomore in high school. so i called my aunt. i told her mom fell and there was a pile of blood and that she needed to come over. i hung up with her and then called 911. the lady told me to get a rag and hold it on my moms head. i didnt know where the blood was coming from so i held it in the direct area. the lady was so nice and calm. then she asked what happened. so i told her the story that my mom told me while i was waiting for the paramedics.

my mom wasnt feeling well and had a horrible headache and she went to the kitchen to get some motrin. the time on the clock was about 1:30am. she grabbed my little sisters medicine (which was little disovlable pills) and they spilt all over the floor. she bent down to pick them up and when she stood up the room was going. when she all of a sudden woke up she couldnt move. thats when she called me.

so here my mom was laying there. unable to move. relying on my being able to hear her from all the way down the hall to help her.

longest 15 minutes of my life might i add. laying there. holding my moms head. blood under me. so the firemen got there. then my aunt. then the paramedics. then my grandma. we all tried to figure out what fully happened but we were unable to figure it out at the time. we were all scared. i stayed in the living room bawling while they strapped her up and took her away. lucky for me they cleaned up the pile of blood (that had been sitting there for almost 2 hours) my aunt stayed with my sister and i while my grandma followed my mom to make sure she was ok. my aunt called my stepdad to let him know what was going on. he came home that weekend.

the day went on. i had a test. pictures and everything. i was so tired from being up that school took forever. i kept crying because i was scared. i didnt know what was going on with my mom. what was happening. i was lost, scared, and even though i had the comfort of one the most paticent people i know, krystal. but i still felt alone. what would i do if my mom was going to die? what was i going to do if something was seriously wrong with my mom? what was i going to do. i couldnt think of anything else that day. my mom was the only thing on my mind. and i was tired. but if i tried to close my eyes and sleep, the picture popped back into my head.

after school my aunt got me and we went to the hospital. they ran test on my mom all day long. she was a little cubical thing with annoying and gross neighbors next to her. lucky for me she got to come home the next day. she had scraped her head falling on our cabnet handles.

my mom has neurocardiogenic syncope.

basically the nerve from her brain to her heart tells her to faint. its really complicated but she is on medicine for it. still to this day it worries me. when shes stressed i worry. i feel like its something that im always going to worry about. but then again, shes my mom. im suppose to worry about her just like she worries about me. im also scared that it is something that maybe one day, i might have to deal with as well. but thats not something i should spend my time worrying about.

so now you know why i over use the saying I LOVE YOU when it comes to my mom. i dont know whats going to happen. and i want her to know that if its the last time that shes hearing from me, or im hearing from her that i do love her.

so my word of advice if you want it or not, make sure you let the people in your life that mean the most to you know that you do love them, because in the blink of an eye  everything could be changed.

new year, new everything.

its been awhile since ive blogged. today i am in the mood for it since january is almost over. the year began just like the other one ended. being hurt because of a guy. but that is nothing new and ive been learning how to deal with it so its not that big of a deal. so far, ive realized a lot of changes. one of them is drama. ive learned to stay out of it and im glad :) im out of high school so i dont need to be drawn in by their crap. plus i have a lot of my own things going on. last semester i kinda just gave up and didnt care. what did i get for that? losing my scholarship and my gpa dropping. but after my first day of school today, i know i will be getting it back. im working my butt off this semester. its a new chance and im taking it. so for now, im keeping my head high because i know if i fall then i know i have a strong group of people who will lift me back up when i need it<3 so heres to the new year, new semester of school and the always changing ways of life.